Well, There It Is.

My issues, though hurtful to me, are of course not the biggest of the world’s problems. Yesterday was World AIDS Day. AIDS is one of the world’s biggest problems. A person with the ability to see past him or herself might gain some perspective by reading this. I come back to it every once in a while.

I have a cousin, maybe a second or third cousin twice removed — I was never sure how any of that worked — who died as a result of AIDS. I didn’t know him well, but it’s painful remembering the funeral in New York just the same. He was young, maybe 30 or so.

Every time I fly I think of my own mortality, even before September 11, 2001. I know it’s crazy and the chances of dying in an airplane are less than the chances of dying in an automobile accident, but the addition of the fact that you are not in control (the pilot is) and the fact that I am several miles away from the ground always makes me a little nervous, and a little excited.

So as I think about my own life on the plane, I contemplate about whether I would be satisfied with my life if I died today. Let’s see. I have had only a moderate level of “success,” I have no children, so one way I could look at it is that I am not ready to go. On the other hand, although I’m not satisfied and will never be, I’m now a person I can respect. I have a healthy attitude, personality and vision of life. It’s a big change from my insecure, external-locus-of-control, victimized, selfish and unthinking personality from a few years ago. I’m actually quite happy with myself as an individual. Although complete happiness is an unattainable goal, the journey has been good.

A little introspection is nice, but what is even better is thinking about what else I could contribute to the world if fate allows me to continue to live another day. I’ll get on that.

I’m leaving tomorrow for California. I plan on meeting up with my mother and brother, both of whom I haven’t seen since the last time I was on the west coast, something like three years ago. We’re going to drive from the Los Angeles area to Las Vegas and spend a few days there, visiting my aunt and uncle who live there. Their kids are meeting us in Vegas for Thanksgiving, too. It should be just like the old days but instead of driving to Long Island and listening to Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant in the car, I’ll be doing school work on the plane.

My new computer is almost ready to be built. I have all the parts except for the CPU, memory, DVD+RW/-RW, and DVD-ROM. I had these parts delivered to a co-worker’s house in order to avoid sales tax. FedEx attempted delivery on Friday, and then again following that, but he wasn’t there to sign for the shipment. I was hoping to be able to put everything together tonight, but now it’ll have to wait until I return from vacation next week.

I’ll keep my readers updated on my casino winnings. Anyone have any tips?