The thing about vacationing in this area of the country is, for me, it makes me think of the last vacation I took with a former girlfriend. So it brings back a lot of interesting memories and thoughts about how things are today. There are several times a day I wish there were a way for me to ask for forgiveness again, but without bringing back any upsetting memories for her.
So that’s where it stands. And when my mother asks if I still talk to her, I have to say no. (Then she asks why and what happened, and I have to explain it again, and then I think it would be nice to stop punishing myself.)
Anyway, there are a lot of amazing things about the time I’m spending in California. Palm Desert. Joshua Tree. Wonderful hotel and food. All paid for. My family’s great… but something is missing.