I arrived home from the Hamptons earlier today. I had a great time out there. There were no Paris Hilton sightings, and I think I’m grateful for that. I’m not quite sure. The hotel in which I stayed wasn’t the best, but there’s really no room for me to complain. The events were wonderful, the food was fantastic, and the bottom line was I really enjoyed working the entire weekend. I had more alcohol this weekend than I’ve ever had in the same time period. That’s not to say that it was much, and I wasn’t drunk, but I managed to reach a new level of tipsiness. I’m saving my first drunken experience for a time I can be with someone I can completely trust; I’m not sure I like the idea of not being in control of myself.
I’ve digressed. There are many stories to tell about the “interesting” Hamptonites, some involving entitlement issues and congressmen impersonators, but you don’t really care to hear them.
I’ve never felt more in need of a change than I feel now. I’m not excited about getting back into a public school. I’m not excited about doing what I’m currently doing at my job (but running these events like those this past weekend is certainly much better). I’m not excited about the lack of deep relationships I have in my life, whether by my choosing or not.
I’ve tried writing more to this post for an hour or so, and each time it just seems like my words exist with the intention to complain that other people refuse to acknowledge how I’ve changed over the past few years and instead see only the person they knew three, five, or ten years ago. That’s not what I was trying to say at all.
I have seen what it’s like to have a world full of deep relationships and wonderful friendships, and this is what I want for myself. I want to have friendships that include mutual respect and love. I want to be able to surround myself with a support system of people who want the best for me, and I want to be able to show others how I want the best for them. I want my life to be full of excellence, not mediocrity. I want to have high expectations for my friends and I want them to have high expectations for me.
If that makes me selfish, then I will just have to accept that. I will also have to accept the feeling that no matter what I do, to some people I can never override the image that I created for myself several years ago. When I’ve changed everything within, the only thing left to change is the environment.