I honestly can’t remember the last time I “had” a day I could call “not good.” I’d imagine it would have to be earlier this year.
Maybe it was a phone call where she said, “goodbye,” and I said, “goodbye,” and I knew it would be goodbye. Maybe it was earlier: it might have been the day I didn’t get the teaching job in south Jersey (Blckwd, not Lkwd). It was most likely earlier than that.
I don’t like having bad days. They’re not fun. They are the days where it feels like everything is against you. It feels like the friendships you’ve had for years have meant nothing. It feels like no matter what you do, somebody is going to be upset. Somebody is going to cry. You just want to scream a Schultzian “AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH” because nothing is ever enough, and nobody else ever puts any effort into the things you care about.
People want to believe in what they were brought up with. For a long time, I wanted to as well. I thought my mother was always right. I believed whatever she told me no matter how far-fetched it was because, well, she’s my mother and she’s never wrong. Then my girlfriend told me I was brought up wrong, that my parents lied to me. She (the girlfriend) was brought up more wholesomely, the correct way. It was always a difficult discussion because on one hand, my mother is always right, on another hand, I was starting to see that the world often operates differently than how I was brought up, and yet, on the third hand, the world also often operates differently than how she was brought up. (She had just as much trouble accepting that as I did.)
Not only that, but this girl happened to have wonderful friends. They really are great people, and I loved them like I loved her. My friends weren’t good enough for her. They were brought up differently than her friends, hence brought up incorrectly.
But maybe she was right… after all, while I have never not “been there” for my friends when they needed someone to be there for them, many of them have disappeared from the bigger part of my life. However, a person who strives to be selfless understands he can’t rely on others to strive to be the same. Most people convince themselves that they are busy, and don’t have time for other people, while others seem to always find time to talk to a friend. I’ve almost always been devoted to what I thought were the truest, strongest friendships. (Yes, I realize that’s a really big “almost.”) I think the problem is that I was wrong in determining what the strongest friendships were.
You, the readers, probably think I am digressing, but there is a point to this rant somewhere. I guess these are the points:
- There comes a time when you have to accept the way you were brought up and also accept that others have been brought up differently. No one is right, no one is wrong. People need to communicate in order to tolerate each other, and in order to get along as friends, much less sustain a meaningful relationship, need to communicate even more.
- At some point, you must step back and recognize the faults of the people closest to you. Everyone has them. They are there. Embrace the faults and understand that nobody is perfect, and everyone benefits from the input of others. Don’t close your mind.
- You’re no better than anyone else, no one is better than you. We live in a world where people like to act “better,” more virtuous, etc. The sooner we realize we are all nothing more than human, and therefore a mix of our genetic code and environment, the sooner we will be in harmony. I’m not talking about peace across the world, I’m just referring to peace within our own circles.
- It’s easy to decry the faults of others when you don’t talk to them every day, when you don’t look into their eyes every day, and when you aren’t reminded of their humanity every day. Without this human contact, you cannot see your own faults reflected in their eyes. Faults are okay. Let’s not decry them; if you love your friends you will want to help them minimize or even recognize their faults. After some time, you may even realize what you thought were faults are not.
I’m not preaching; these are all issues I’m dealing with, just like everyone else in the world. Any thoughts?
