Ben Folds’ Chops (Not Judo)

Ben Folds can really play. He wails. He can blow. He wields his axe with great authority.

The concert was fabulous, although it was missing my favorite song, Luckiest.

It’s odd. I used to like a song by Dar Williams called The Ocean. It includes this line, which is why I was drawn to it so much, never mind the context:

You don’t know how lucky you are
You don’t know how much I adore you

The Ben Folds song, Luckiest, is opposite in a way:

And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday and I know that I am (I am, I am) the luckiest

I am lucky… and thankful. I’m a much different person than I was a year ago, and I couldn’t be if it weren’t for my introspection, the love and support of five people (two of whom being my father and his girlfriend and one being my mother who will always be on my side), and the occasional words of encouragement from a friend who could relate.

Am I ready for all the guilt to go away? Probably not. Especially not if I keep doing things to keep the worst memories in my mind. Maybe someday those I hurt will be ready for forgiveness. It will probably be after I am ready to be forgiven, which may not be quite yet.

But let there be no mistake. I am the luckiest.