Lately there have been occasions when I have started to feel like a whole person again. Then again, there are still instances when I still imagine myself as completely worthless to society. It’s a world of extremes. My problem here, at this moment, is I either overreact to situations and allow other people’s actions to control my feelings or mood, or I don’t react at all.
There are some good things going for me. I have a steady job, one much more stable and secure than anything I’ve ever done since graduating college. I’m friends with my coworkers. I’m friends with my friends, for the most part. I’m in good health as far as I can tell, and soon I will be able to see doctors and dentists without having to worry about money. My debts are being paid. I feel attractive, and I even get the impression that people like me once in a while. But there are still the doubts:
1. How long do I really want to stay an Administrative Assistant? Any high school drop-out could do this job.* I need something that’s a bit more challenging.
2. Do I go back to school to get a new degree? Full time or part time? What do I really want to study? I am interested in so many different things. Is there something both practical and fulfilling that I would love to do with my life as far as my career goes?
3. There’s probably more, but I should be working and not thinking about this at the moment. Sorry for the rambling…
* Well, maybe not any high school drop-out. Maybe a drop-out who knows a little bit, but not terribly much, about computers and who does not do any drugs (which tend to get in the way of being hired).
Life is all about decisions. Sometimes they’re right and sometimes they’re wrong, but the point is that you have to make them. So make them. If they’re wrong, you can always change things, but the worst thing you can do is take no action at all.